Navigating the Online Experience

Online dating apps.  What can I say?  So much.  So little.  One thing is for certain, if you want to date in today’s world you can’t avoid them.  You can try, but eventually you’re going to have to put your big toe in the water.

Amongst the myriad of choices there’s bound to be one that calls to you above the others.  “Hey…Hey, you…yeah, you…Try ME!”  There are ones for farmers, for religious folks, for the polyamorous, for people with professional careers, over 50, under 35, and just for hook-ups and booty calls.  If you count yourself amongst any sizeable group of people, there’s a dating app for you.  Recently I was impressed to discover an app that caters to people with certain sexually transmitted diseases; I think it’s existence is awesome.

Different ones have different policies and different structures.  Some have privacy policies that mean your content belongs to them (I avoid these ones), some take a match-making approach, some have specific contact protocols.  For example, one app that I like for women is Bumble because it requires the woman to initiate the conversation, which means you don’t get inundated. 

Finding the right site for you can be a bit difficult.  Most people have heard of the big ones – Match, Tinder, OkCupid.  But how do you decide?  Maybe you’re the kind who needs to just pick one and dive right in or you’ll never do it.  Maybe you do meticulous research.  Maybe you throw a dart at stickies pasted to the wall.  Fortunately, there are several sites that offer comparisons and rankings.  Two of my most favorite recent comparisons can be found on ConsumerAdvocate and cNet.  Both compare a large number of available sites, and provide pros and cons. 

Whatever method you use, finding the right one is an individual choice.  At this point, I’ve tried several.  One some I felt like I had no success.  On others, I’ve had a lot.  My general advice is to put some thought into your profile and be genuine.  If it’s a site that requires you to answer questions, answer them honestly.  Spend time writing a good profile.  The reward is worth that effort. 

Decide what you think is important in your dating experience and look for sites that cater to it.  For example, if you are a single parent and you want to look for another single parent, there’s an app; If you want to find easy hook –ups, there’s an app.

My biggest problem with the sites where I was unsuccessful was that I couldn’t set the filters for things that matter to me.  Look at the filters on given site and see whether or not you can set them to parameters that are meaningful to you.  For example, location is an important one for me.  There may be hot, beautiful men across the country, but I’m divorced with kids and that comes with a residency restriction.  The first dating app I used kept connecting me with men in Houston and Dallas, despite the fact that I set my location to Austin.  I couldn’t set a distance from my location as a filter.  Needless to say, I didn’t stay on the site for long. 

Play around with the filters and features on the apps that you select so that you can figure out whether they can adequately filter for you.  Another example from my experience: I don’t like to date men shorter than me.  On one site that I tried I was continually matched with men my height or shorter.  The filters allowed me to set a filter for men close to my height, or a range of difference from my height, but if I said 3”, it was 3” taller or shorter.  The simple solution in my opinion was to allow the user (me) to set a specific height range, but that wasn’t how the site was designed.  I didn’t last long on that one either.

Dating can get frustrating.  If you’re on the same site for a while it can be worth switching it up.  You’ll find that if you’re on several platforms, you’ll run across some of the same people.  However, when you keep running across the same people multiple times on the same site it might be time to re-evaluate whether you want to stay there.  Keep in mind that some people only have one dating profile; others have many. 

In closing, I have had many memorable dates since my divorce – some fabulous and some terrible.  The majority of them originated online. 

Happy online dating!